Monday, September 9, 2013

If I Don't Say it, I'm Gonna Burst...

All right. From time to time, things annoy me. I know this surprises no one. I have been known to rant before. This isn’t so much of a rant as it is a plea for people to stop (and a healthy dose of me snobbishly passing judgment, of which I’m fairly proficient.)

Maybe I’m the only one this annoys. Maybe I’m all alone, and it doesn’t bother anyone else in the world. But it’s been nagging at me for a while and for some reason – today – my annoyance with it overflowed.

Why do people trash up their car with bumper stickers and decals?
This isn't it, but looks a lot like the back of the car of belonging to the woman my ex-husband married. 
I would have taken a shot of her car, but I'd rather not get that close to her. Ever. 

Why?!? They’re ugly! I don’t care that your 1st grader made the honor roll. I don’t care how many children, dogs or cats you have at home. I don’t care about your political leanings. I don’t care about your Jesus fish or your evolved Darwin fish eating a Jesus fish. I don’t care about your views on gun control, abortion rights, or education.  I really, truly don’t. (Let’s be honest, I only care about my own opinion on those matters. Well…and friends who happen to agree with me. And if I don’t know you, I don’t really care that you’ve spelled out your girlfriend’s name in gold letters on the back of your car. SIDE NOTE – I don’t have any friends who would do something that tacky.)

I mean what is the point? It’s not like the driver is putting a sticker in their back window to reaffirm their own thoughts or combat Alzheimers. “For a minute there I couldn’t remember who I was going to vote for for Governor. Thank heavens I put that sticker in my back window. I might have voted for the wrong guy.”

Of course not.

It’s to show support, right?

Well, if I’m behind you and happen to share your views, it hurts my soul when you make stupid driving decisions. I’m left with thoughts like “Great! An idiot in my camp.”

And if I don’t happen to share your views, my right foot is just raring to ram you off the road. (Ok, not really – but you have pissed me off. “One more imbecilic $#*@er who lives in North Carolina. Great. Move it, idiot. Your intellect is clearly reflected on your back bumper.”)

And do you really want people in other motor vehicles pissed off at you? I don’t. Driving is dangerous enough as it is.

Not one time has a message on a bumper sticker swayed my views. “Well, I was going to vote for Candidate A, but this random guy is voting for Candidate B. Whew! Glad I caught my mistake in time.”


Not once.  

I can’t imagine that anyone has, actually. And if someone has – I really, truly don’t want to meet them. Ever.

I’ve never picked a restaurant, church or vacation spot because of someone else’s bumper. All you’ve done is make your car look trashy, like a middle school English book covered in scribbles of the boy's name you thought was cute in 2nd period and TeenBeat stickers. Seriously.

And I’m the one stuck behind you in rush hour – thinking all sorts of uncharitable thoughts about you and your obnoxiously smart, brown-nosing 1st grader.

There. I’ve said it. Finally. I mean, it had to be said. (OK - I'm stopping to take a deep breath and calm my racing heart.) 

So, bumper stickers and decals…Your thoughts? Are you a whole lot nicer than me? Do you think about them at all? Do they bother you? Or do you…gasp….have one/some on your car? 

*Originally posted at Lady Scribes 9/6/2013

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