Thursday, May 17, 2012

Fortunes! Get Your Fortunes Here...

A while back I noticed that fortune cookies had changed. More often they should be called “suggestion” cookies or even “lecture” cookies (who knew my father had started moonlighting), because there weren’t any fortunes to be found. Some of you may have heard me moan about this in the past. It’s a real problem that no one seems to be paying much attention to. No one, but me, anyway.

It’s gotten to the point where I get an attitude before I even crack open my fortune cookie. (I’m sure this surprises no one.) Usually I say something pithy like, “Let’s see what advice they’re dolling out today, ‘cause you know there won’t be a fortune in there.” And 95% of the time, I’m right. But that 5%... that wonderful 5% when I get an actual FORTUNE in a fortune cookie– I get so excited. You’d think it was Christmas or my birthday. That I’d caught a leprechaun or an actual snipe on a snipe hunt.

The other night I had Chinese take out with my good friend Susan as we watched Game of Thrones on my couch. And I got a real, honest to goodness fortune. I got a little giddy because not only was it an honest to goodness fortune – it was the best fortune you could ever hope to get!

“Your fondest wish will come true.” 

Now THAT is a fortune to write a blog about, and it’s had me thinking for days about what my fondest wish is. If I could have one wish granted, what would it be…? I mean there are so many things I’ve wished for, but what is my fondest wish? I’m still not sure.

On a lark, I made Susan go back with me to the same Chinese bistro and beg (read: grab handfuls without asking) for more fortune cookies for this blog. We absconded with 25 cookies, and of our very non-scientific sampling, we ended up with 7 “fortune” cookies and18 “suggestion or lecture” cookies (3 of which were duplicates.)

Here are the fortunes:

“A secret admirer will soon send you a sign of affection” 

“Be on the alert for a new opportunity” 

“You will soon be surrounded by good friends and laughter” 

“Your kindness is surely to be repaid” 

“Soon you will be sitting on top of the world” 

“A passionate new romance will appear in your life when you least expect it” 

“Your skills will accomplish what the force of many cannot”

Now not all of those are awesome fortunes, but they’re better than these:

“Some like it hot. Eat more Kung Pao.” 
Really?!? This is a sales pitch – it’s not even a lecture cookie.

“Luck happens when hard work meets opportunity.” 
Um – thanks, Dad. 

“Face any problem with dignity.” 
How is that a fortune? A fortune would be “You will face a problem with dignity.” See the difference? I mean it’s not that hard. 

“Set the right example. It will inspire others.” 
My dad must be really busy with this side job of his. 

“The simplest answer is to act.” 
What does that even mean? 

“Success is a journey not a destination.” 
A total lecture cookie that must have been penned from my high school guidance counselor. (Not that I needed a guidance counselor, mind you.) 

Come on, fortune cookie fortune writers! You can do better than that! Right? I mean, I'm sure you can if you try.

Since I think it doesn’t take much to write these, I’m going to try my hand at one now...

“One lucky commenter on this blog will win a free e-copy of THE BETTING SEASON.”

See, that's really not that hard. I don't know why fortune cookie fortune writers have such a difficult time with this. 

Now it’s your turn. Write a real, honest to goodness fortune to be entered into the drawing. (Suggestion and lectures will be tossed aside.) 

Or you can tell me what your fondest wish is, because maybe it'll help me decide what mine is. 

* Originally posted at LadyScribes May 15, 2012

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